Intimacy Coach for Women:
Overcome Low Libido & Reignite Your Love Life
Direct, Results-Driven Intimacy Coaching for Women
Holy shit, I see you.
Lying there at 11pm Googling "how to increase desire" again while your spouse sleeps like a peaceful little baby, but you’re wondering what the hell is wrong with you.
“Sex feel like such a chore…”
“I want to WANT to have sex again…”
“I’m worried there’s something wrong with me…
I've been exactly where you are: faking being asleep (pathetic, I know), cringing when he touches your back while you're doing dishes, making up headaches because saying "I'm not in the mood" for the 56486th time feels impossible.
You're not broken. But you ARE stuck.
And that 3am spiral of "what if this is just how it is now" and "what happens if I can’t figure this out?" I get it. Because I've been there too.
As your intimacy coach, I know you've tried it all: the expensive toys that sit untouched in your drawer. The lacy underwear that gives you a wedgie and makes you feel ridiculous instead of sexy. You've downloaded every "conversation starter" deck on Amazon and listened to every podcast you can find, hoping they'll finally be the answer.
The women I work with tell me they've tried everything: from therapy to pelvic floor physical therapy to hormone testing, and they're exhausted from feeling like they're the only ones struggling with this.
Because when none of it works? You started wondering if YOU'RE the problem.
Here's what I know after helping hundreds of women escape this nightmare: Your sex drive isn't gone. It’s not even “low” (wild, I know). But it IS buried, and it’s time to dig that baby out.
As a Leading Intimacy Coach, Here's What Everyone Gets Wrong About Low Libido
You've been told for years that fixing your sex drive is about "just communicating more," trying harder, or spicing things up. I tried all that shit too. None of it worked because what they don’t understand is that these will NEVER work if your nervous system is stuck in protection mode.
Basically when sex isn’t fun for you and you try to have sex anyway (hello, every woman reading this), your body kicks on your fight/flight (a nervous system response because it’s stressed the eff out) INSTEAD of your sex drive.
I should know. My intimacy coaching approach differs because I've helped countless women with this AND I've been through it myself.
That’s why it feels like everything you try is making it worse. Your body has learned sex equals stress, and we don’t like to do things that stress us out, so that sweet little sex drive of yours goes into hiding (so it doesn’t keep stressing you out).
That’s why you’re never in the mood and feel resentful every time your spouse wants to have sex. Because they don’t seem to get it (even though they want to help), so it feels like your problem to fix, and you’re having all those harsh thoughts about why you haven’t been able to figure this out on your own and worrying about the worst-case scenario.
That's precisely why I became a professional intimacy coach and created my Desire to Fire Method. Because when you work with an intimacy coach who specializes in women’s arousal, you can get your nervous system out of survival mode and back into 'hell yes' mode.
But here's what's possible: Once you understand how to work WITH your nervous system instead of against it, everything changes. And I mean everything.
How Intimacy Coaching Differs from Traditional Sex Therapy
Look, traditional therapy is great for talking through your feelings. But when you're lying there during sex mentally making your grocery list, you need someone who understands the biology of desire and has the specific tools to fix it.
As your intimacy coach, I'm not just going to sit there and nod while you tell me about your childhood. I'm going to teach you exactly how to get your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode and back into "hell yes" mode.
Erinn Hoel, Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach
My Desire to Fire Method is a 3-Phase approach that’ll help you transform your sex life and uplevel your relationship so it’s sustainable in the long run. No more temporary band-aid solutions.
I work with a limited number of women each month because this level of transformation requires personalized attention. This isn't a cookie-cutter program, it's a complete life overhaul.
Because together, we’ll dive into the tools and strategies you need to soothe your overactivated nervous system, so you can actually stimulate your sex drive faster and easier, and uplevel your relationship with strategies you can use together. Because no, this isn’t all on you to fix, but your partner probably could use some strategies with this too (lack of sex ed, ammirite).
Intimacy Coaching That Works: The Desire to Fire Method from a Leading Intimacy Coach
Phase 1 – The Release Phase
Trying to have game-changing sex when your fight/flight is in overdrive is like trying to drive a car while you’re standing on the brakes. And the e-brake is on. And there are cinder blocks in front of all the wheels. That car isn’t going anywhere!
But what if I told you that once we release that brake, everything changes?
Here’s what 90% of intimacy coaches and sex therapists miss: Arousal is a two-step process. You can’t just turn on the “ons,” you have to turn off the “offs” FIRST (or you just end up spinning your wheels). This is how my intimacy coaching approach is different.
Because girl, your "offs" have been stuck in the ON position for way too long.
Remember that version of yourself who used to have energy past 3pm? Who didn't immediately tense up when your partner touches your back when you’re doing dishes? Who could get dressed up for date night without that sinking feeling in your stomach because you knew what he'd be "hoping for" afterward?
The woman who used to laugh at jokes instead of mentally calculating how long it's been since you had sex? Who could cuddle on the couch watching Netflix without getting hypervigilant? Who didn't have to rush through her nighttime routine to try and fall asleep before you have to make up another excuse to get out of sex?
She's still in there. And we're about to set her free.
Pro tip: Dogs are great for soothing your nervous system, exhibit A:
In Phase 1, we focus on calming your overactive nervous system so you can finally:
Get Your Energy Back: No more needing three cups of coffee just to function or running on fumes no matter how much sleep you get
Stop Feeling Scattered and Overwhelmed: Actually focus during conversations, make decisions without spiraling, and feel organized and productive instead of like you're drowning in chaos
End the Constant Irritability: Stop snapping at your husband over dishes, getting road rage in traffic, or feeling like everything is an emergency that needs to be handled RIGHT NOW
Eliminate the Physical Symptoms: Say goodbye to those constant headaches, sugar cravings that hit at 3pm, and shoulders that are permanently glued to your ears
Create Space for Pleasure: When you're not running on empty and everything doesn't feel like a crisis, that's when your body can start accessing arousal again. Once we remove your blocks, you’ll be amazed at how much easier the next 2 Phases are.
Phase 1 isn't just about your sex drive, it's about getting YOU back. The women I work with are committed to doing the work and are amazed at how quickly they start feeling more energized and less scattered. One client told me, “I didn't realize how wound up I was until I wasn't anymore.”
Phase 2 – The Reawaken Phase
Once we soothe your nervous system and get her humming, we then tackle the next common problem for women: Sex that feels like a chore.
Who loves chores? Nobody. So if sex hasn’t been enjoyable, you’re not going to want to do it.
Low desire isn’t actually a sex problem. I know, wild, hear me out. First it’s a nervous system issue (see Phase 1). Second, it’s a pleasure problem.
If you went out on a nice dinner date and your spouse was served an amazing steak and you got a couple cold pieces of plain mixed veggies, would you want to eat there again? Probably not. The same goes for sex. You have to want to eat there.
My clients consistently tell me that once we fix the nervous system piece in Phase 1, they're actually excited to explore Phase 2 because it doesn't feel overwhelming anymore, it feels exciting and empowering.
This is the fun part where, through personalized intimacy coaching, we get to dive into your unique pleasure pathways, how to stimulate these quicker and easier, and how to uplevel pleasure for you.
The sad reality is there’s a HUGE pleasure discrepancy between men and women, usually because female sexual arousal is (for some reason) not well understood by the masses. So you end up not knowing what you want or how to explore this, your partner doesn’t really know what you like, and that’s how you end up going through the motions to not hurt their feelings. I’m determined to help you tip the scales and enter Pleasure Paradise.
Erinn Hoel, Intimacy Coach
In Phase 2, we'll:
Discover Your Desire Type: Finally understand why the random butt-smack while you're doing dishes makes you want to scream instead of swoon, and get the exact strategies to initiate in ways that make you think "hell yes" instead of "ugh, not now."
Build Your Desire Blueprint: Stop feeling self-conscious and undesirable and start feeling like the confident, sexy woman I know is in there. You'll learn how to break up with the body shame and feel desirable again (yes, even in your everyday clothes).
Map Your Unique Pleasure Pathways: No more lying there wondering "am I taking too long?" or "what's wrong with me that I can't just enjoy this?" You'll finally know exactly what works for YOUR body and how to communicate it without awkwardness or hurt feelings. The confidence that comes with this is… truly amazing.
Eliminate the Negative Self-Talk: Transform that vicious inner critic from "What's wrong with me?" to "I GOT this!" This proven brain rewiring strategy is the game-changer that makes everything else stick. Because you'll finally believe you deserve pleasure and can do this, because you CAN.
This phase is where you stop feeling broken and start feeling powerful. Where sex stops being something you dread and starts being something you're actually excited about again.
Phase 3 – The Revitalize Phase
Remember how I said this isn’t just a “you problem” to fix? This is where we get to bring the magic into your relationship.
Being a relationship and intimacy coach, I know most partners want to help but don’t know how, so they step back. Gotta love them, but this unintentionally makes things worse because you feel alone, and they feel like there’s nothing they can do and are feeling rejected.
Have no fear, this Phase is packed with strategies that we get to fully customize for what your relationship needs right now so you get to co-create something sexy, fun, and exciting for BOTH of you.
Implementing new habits and patterns can be tough, especially if sex has become that one thing in your relationship, or conversations haven’t gone well in the past. That’s why this Phase is absolutely transformational: because you need support and accountability when you’re trial and erroring to find what works. Without this, you try something new, it doesn’t go quite according to plan, you both get frustrated, and you fall back into old patterns.
The partners of my clients are initially skeptical because they think they shouldn't need professional help with this. But the women I work with tell me their partners become their biggest advocates once they see the transformation happening. As a leading intimacy coach who loves to help women escape the 'sex is a chore' nightmare, I can tell you with absolute certainty: your libido isn't broken, but the way you two have been trying to fix it is.
In Phase 3, we'll:
Reignite Your Connection (In Every Room of the House): Stop being roommates who pass each other in the hallway and bring back the excitement in your relationship. The one that has inside jokes, has you flirting over coffee, and where you actually look forward to spending time together. You'll master the strategies that bring back the spark and get you working as a team instead of feeling like you're fighting this battle alone
Master The Art of Sex Talk: Finally have those conversations about your sex life without someone storming off or sleeping on the couch. You'll learn exactly how to tell him what you want, how you want to be touched, and how to initiate without feeling awkward. Because great sex requires great communication, and nobody ever taught you how to do this, but my Sex Talk Strategies will help change the game for both of you.
Strengthen the Teamwork: You’ll finally get out of your sexual stalemate and finally get on the same page for what both of you actually WANT, not what you think your sex life should be. This Phase will help you remember why you like each other, stop fighting as much and starting playing more, and channel those vibes of the early days when things were exciting and easier. This allows you to grow deep roots so you can weather any storm and build confidence that no matter what, you two will be good in the long run.
Transform Into an Unstoppable Team: Break out of that exhausting cycle where you're fighting about everything except what you're actually fighting about. You'll rediscover why you fell for each other in the first place, stop nitpicking over dishes and start playing together again, and build the kind of unshakeable foundation that makes you think "we can handle anything life throws at us."
The Transformation: From Low Libido and Guilt to a Thriving Love Life and Excitement Again
Imagine this day in your life:
You wake up actually feeling rested instead of exhausted before your day even starts.
Your spouse touches your back while you're making coffee, and instead of cringing, you’re comforted by it and even lean into it. Maybe even turn around for a kiss.
You catch him looking at you across the dinner table and feel butterflies instead of obligation.
Date night feels exciting again, not like something you're dreading because of what might be "expected" afterward.
You can say "not tonight" without guilt because you both know it's not rejection, it's just not tonight.
And when you DO want to have sex? Holy shit, it's actually good. You're present, you're enjoying it, and you remember why you love this person so much.
This isn't fantasy. This is what happens when you fix the real problem instead of throwing more lingerie at it:
Erinn Hoel, Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach (& Leo, Best Boy)
Reclaim the Woman You Used to Be: Stop feeling like a broken version of yourself and start feeling confident, energized, and genuinely excited about your life again. You'll wake up thinking "I can't wait to see what today brings" instead of "how am I going to get through this?"
Transform Into the Couple Everyone Envies: Become that couple again. The one holding hands at dinner parties, laughing until you cry at inside jokes, and texting each other flirty messages during the workday. You'll stop fighting about everything and start being teammates who have each other's backs no matter what.
Experience Mind-Blowing Intimacy (Yes, Really): Finally understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to great sex. You'll go from "let's get this over with" to "holy shit, can we do that again?" and discover pleasure you didn't even know your body was capable of experiencing.
This is exactly what we create together in my Desire to Fire Method. Ready to stop feeling broken and start feeling alive again?
FAQs: Working With An Intimacy Coach
-
Look, traditional therapy is great for talking through your feelings. But when you're lying there during sex mentally making your grocery list, you need someone who understands the biology of arousal and has the specific tools to fix it.
I'm not just going to sit there and nod while you tell me about your childhood. I'm going to teach you exactly how to get your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode and back into "hell yes" mode so you can start enjoying sex again.
-
Look, I'm not going to sit there nodding while you tell me about your feelings for 50 minutes. An intimacy coach cuts through the bullshit and gets straight to what's actually blocking your desire, whether that's your overactivated nervous system, not knowing what the hell you actually like in bed, or being stuck in patterns that kill connection.
I give you the exact tools and strategies to fix what's not going well, help you figure out what you actually want (novel concept, I know!), and teach you how to communicate about sex without it turning into a disaster.
Think less therapy couch, more "here's how to get your sex drive back and enjoy your relationship again.
-
First, make sure they actually understand female sexuality. Not just the textbook version, but the real, messy, complicated reality of what it's like to be a woman who doesn't want sex anymore. You want someone who's been there themselves or has worked with hundreds of women facing this exact struggle.
Look for someone who addresses the nervous system and stress response, not just communication tips. If they're suggesting more lingerie and date nights as solutions, run. You need an intimacy coach who understands that low desire is usually a biological response, not a relationship problem.
And honestly? You want someone you can actually talk to without dying of embarrassment. If you can't imagine telling them about your real struggles, they're not the right fit.
-
Plot twist: you don't need to find someone "near you" because the best intimacy coaching happens online anyway. Think about it: would you rather drive across town to sit in some office talking about your sex life, or work with the best intimacy coach for your specific situation from the comfort of your own home?
I work with women all across the US through my online program, and honestly, most of my clients tell me they prefer it this way. No awkward waiting rooms, no rushing through traffic after work, and you can have our calls in your pajamas if you want.
What you should actually be looking for is an intimacy coach who specializes in exactly what you're dealing with, not just whoever happens to be in your zip code. You want someone who understands that low desire is a nervous system issue, has helped hundreds of women with this exact problem, and has a proven method that gets results.
Geography is irrelevant when you're looking for someone to transform your love life. Expertise and the right approach? That's everything.
-
Great question! A sex therapist has clinical training and can diagnose and treat sexual dysfunction from a medical/psychological perspective. An intimacy coach focuses more on practical strategies, education, and helping you implement changes in your real life.
I'm actually both, which means you get the clinical expertise plus the hands-on, practical approach. Think of it like having a doctor who also gives you the exact step-by-step plan to get better, not just a diagnosis.
The coaching side is where we roll up our sleeves and figure out how to actually make your sex life amazing again. Less sitting and talking about feelings, more "here's exactly what to do tonight to start feeling like yourself again."
-
Intimacy training is like going to the gym, but for your relationship and sex life. Just like you wouldn't run a marathon with no training first, you can't expect to have amazing intimacy without learning the actual skills.
We're talking about real technique: how to get out of your head during sex, how to ask for what you want without dying of embarrassment, how to touch and be touched in ways that actually feel good, and how to have conversations about your sex life that don't end in someone sleeping on the couch.
Nobody taught you this stuff in health class, but that doesn't mean you're supposed to just magically know it. That's where I come in.
Why Professional Intimacy Coaching Works: Insights from a Philadelphia Intimacy Coach
We Fix the ACTUAL Blocks Keeping You Stuck (Not Just the Symptoms): While everyone else is telling you to "just relax" or try another supplement, we're going to address what's really happening: your nervous system is stuck in survival mode and literally blocking your arousal. No more throwing money at useless "libido-enhancing" pills, toys that collect dust in your drawer, or forcing date nights that just add more pressure. We fix the root cause so the results actually stick.
You Get the Support You Desperately Need: Stop trying to figure this out alone at 2am while your spouse sleeps next to you, wondering if you're the only woman on earth who feels this way. You'll have multiple ways to get guidance, accountability, and reassurance that you're not broken and you can hack this. Because isolation is what keeps you stuck, and connection is what sets you free.
Expert Guidance From Someone Who's Actually Been There: I'm not some therapist who's going to nod sympathetically while you talk in circles for months. I'm a sex therapist who's helped countless women escape this nightmare AND I've lived through it myself. I know exactly what it feels like to fake a headache to get out of sex, tense up at every touch (even when it’s just affection), and wonder if your relationship will survive this. That's why I can guide you through the shortcuts and help you avoid the dead ends that keep you spinning your wheels.
Exclusive Access to Proven Strategies: The women in my program get access to techniques I've developed over a decade of working with women just like. These are strategies you literally can’t find anywhere else. This isn't info you can Google at 2am, it's exclusive to my clients who are serious about transformation.
I only work with women who are done making excuses and ready to make changes. If you're still hoping this will magically fix itself, I'm not your person. But if you're ready to stop feeling broken and start feeling powerful? Then this is for you.
It's Time to See An Intimacy Coach & Transform Your Love Life Today
Erinn Hoel, Professional Intimacy Coach
As your intimacy coach, I want you to know you don't have to navigate this journey alone or continue feeling stuck and overwhelmed.
There are easier ways and the Desire to Fire Method offers a proven intimacy coaching approach to overcome low libido so you can finally increase desire and rediscover pleasure, confidence, and affection in your relationship.
My clients tell me the Desire to Fire Method didn't just give them their sex drive back, it gave them their lives back. They feel like themselves again, their relationships are stronger than ever, and they finally understand they were never the problem.
And the women who transform their love lives fastest don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ time. They stop waiting for things to magically get better and take action even when it’s scary. Ready to join them?