Intimacy Coach for Women:
Overcome Low Libido & Reignite Your Love Life
Direct, Results-Driven Intimacy Coaching for Women
Holy shit, I see you.
Lying there at 11pm Googling "how to increase desire" again while your spouse sleeps like a peaceful little baby, but you’re wondering what the hell is wrong with you.
“Sex feels like a chore…”
“I want to WANT to have sex again…”
“Is there something wrong with me…
I've been exactly where you are: faking being asleep (sad, I know), tensing up when he puts a hand on your leg, making up excuses because saying "I'm not in the mood" for the 56486th time feels impossible.
You're not broken. But you ARE stuck.
And that 3am spiral of "what if this is just how it is now" and "what happens if I can’t figure this out?" kicks in.
I get it. Because I've been there too.
As your intimacy coach, I know you've tried it all hoping you’ll find the answer:
The expensive toys that sit unused in your drawer
The lacy underwear that gives you a wedgie and makes you feel ridiculous instead of sexy
The conversation card decks and date night scratch-off books
The podcasts, books, supplements, therapy…
The women I work with tell me they've tried everything from therapy to pelvic floor physical therapy to hormone testing, and they're exhausted from feeling like nothing helps.
Because when none of it works? You started wondering if YOU'RE the problem.
"I literally felt like I was the problem in my relationship. Like everything that was wrong was somehow my fault, and the more I researched online, the more broken I felt. I'd tried therapy before but just went in circles talking about the same things over and over without getting anywhere.
When I found Erinn, I was like 'ok, but how is this going to be any different than everything else I've tried?' But it was completely different. I finally stopped spiraling and knew what to actually DO."
- Sarah M., married 8 years
Here's what I know after helping hundreds of women escape this nightmare: Your sex drive isn't gone. It’s not even “low” (wild, I know). But it IS buried, and it’s time to dig that baby out.
As a Leading Intimacy Coach, Here's What Everyone Gets Wrong About Low Libido
You've been told for years that fixing your sex drive is about:
Just communicating more
Trying harder or spicing things up
Scheduling more date nights
Faking it ‘til you make it (and just dealing with it)
I tried all that shit too. None of it worked.
Here’s why: These will NEVER work if your nervous system is stuck in protection mode.
Why Your Good Ideas Haven’t Worked
When sex isn’t enjoyable and you try to force it anyway (hello, every woman reading this), your body kicks on fight/flight mode (a nervous system response because it’s stressed the eff out) INSTEAD of your sex drive.
I should know. My intimacy coaching approach differs because I've helped countless women with this AND I've been through it myself.
That’s why everything you try isn’t just not helping, it feels like it’s making it worse.
Your body has learned: sex = stress. And we don’t like doing stressful things.
So that sweet little sex drive of yours goes? She goes into hiding.
Here’s what happens next:
It feels impossible to get in the mood or it takes forever
You feel resentful when your spouse initiates because sex feels like work
You feel like they don’t get it, so it feels like your problem to fix
You spiral thinking, “What’s wrong with me?”
That's precisely why I created my Desire to Fire Method.
When you work with an intimacy coach who specializes in women’s arousal, you can get your nervous system out of survival mode and back into arousal mode.
Because here's what's possible: Once you understand how to work WITH your nervous system instead of against it, everything changes. And I mean everything.
How Intimacy Coaching Differs from Traditional Sex Therapy
Traditional therapy = talking through your feelings for months.
Intimacy coaching = think less talking and more action, so you start seeing results now.
When you're faking your way through sex to reset the clock so you don’t have to do it again for awhile, you need someone who understands the biology of desire and has the specific tools to fix it, not just talk about it.
As your intimacy coach, I'm not just going to sit there nodding while you tell me about your childhood.
I'm going to teach you exactly how to conquer your fears and get your nervous system out “sex sucks” mode and back into "ohhh that’s niiiice" mode.
"I'm not gunna lie, I was scared to invest. Like, do I have time for this? What if it doesn't work? I thought I should be able to figure this out on my own because isn't sex supposed to be easy and spontaneous? But I was SO tired of going through the motions and was terrified this was just how things were going to be.
I didn’t want to live like because that sucked but I was afraid. Afraid this wouldn’t be different from everything else I tried, afraid that it was me and I wouldn’t be able to fix this. But honestly, facing my fears and learning how to actually enjoy sex and relax in my relationship again was worth every penny."
– Jennifer R., struggled 2 years
Hi! I’m Erinn
Erinn Hoel, Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach
My Desire to Fire Method is a 3-Phase approach that transforms your sex life AND your relationship.
No more temporary band-aid solutions.
But this isn’t for everyone.
I work with a limited number of women each month because this level of transformation requires personalized attention.
Here’s What We'll Do Together:
Phase 1: Soothe your overactivated nervous system (the real reason you can’t get aroused)
Phase 2: Stimulate your sex drive faster and easier
Phase 3: Uplevel your relationship with strategies you can use together
But, and this is important: This isn’t all on you to fix.
Your partner probably needs strategies too (lack of sex ed, ammirite). We’ll handle that.
Intimacy Coaching That Works: The Desire to Fire Method
Phase 1 – The Release Phase
Trying to have amazing sex when your nervous system is in overdrive is like trying to drive a car with the brakes on. And E-brake on. And cinder blocks in front of the tires.
That car isn’t going anywhere!
But what if I told you that once we release that brake, everything changes?
What 90% of Experts Get Wrong
Arousal is a two-step process:
Turn off the “offs” FIRST
Then turn on the “ons”
Most people skip step 1 and focus on sex-related ideas to try and get turned on. The toys, supplements, date nights, lingerie… sound familiar?
These don’t work because the issue isn’t with your arousal.
The issue is you can’t get turned on when your "offs" are engaged. Both systems can’t be online at the same time.
And girl, your “offs” have been stuck on for way too long.
That’s why it feels like you’re spinning your wheels.
Remember Her
Remember that version of yourself who:
Had energy past 3pm?
Enjoyed cuddling up and watching Netflix without being constantly hypervigilant
Looked forward to date night without the dread or expectations
Laughed at their jokes instead of calculating how long it’s been
Loved getting “that look” because you felt desired and wanted
Didn’t have to pretend to be asleep to avoid rejecting them yet again
She's still in there. And we're about to set her free.
Erinn Hoel, Dog Lover, Intimacy Coach
What You’ll Get in Phase 1
Get Your Energy Back:
No more needing three cups of coffee just to function or running on fumes no matter how much sleep you get
Stop Feeling Scattered and Overwhelmed:
Actually feel focused and productive, and make decisions without spiraling
End the Constant Irritability:
Stop snapping over dishes or feeling like everything’s an emergency
Eliminate the Physical Symptoms:
Goodbye headaches, 8pm sugar cravings, and shoulders glued to your ears
Create Space for Pleasure:
When you're not running on empty, your body can actually feel arousal again.
Once we remove your blocks, you’ll be amazed at how much easier the next 2 Phases are.
Phase 1 isn't just about getting your sex drive back, it's about getting YOU back.
The women I work with are committed and amazed at how quickly they start feeling energized and less scattered.
"I didn't realize my shoulders were constantly at my ears until they weren't anymore. I was constantly tense and living and dying by my to-do list. I had no clue how much energy I was wasting overthinking everything, like I'd spend forever making the simplest decisions and then second-guess myself anyway. It was hell.
After we worked on my nervous system, I could actually make a decision without spiraling for three hours about it. I actually started to trust myself again. And my husband was like 'you seem so much calmer' and I was like 'holy shit, I forgot what calm felt like.'"
– Katie L., struggled for 6 years
Phase 2 – The Reawaken Phase
Once we soothe your nervous system, we tackle the next problem: Sex that feels like a chore.
Who loves chores? Nobody.
So if sex hasn’t been enjoyable, you’re not going to want to do it.
The Truth About Low Desire
Low desire isn’t actually a sex problem. I know, wild, hear me out:
Problem #1: Nervous system issue (Phase 1 fixes this). Problem #2: Pleasure problem (Phase 2 fixes this).
Think about it this way:
You go out to dinner. Your spouse gets an amazing steak.
You get a couple cold pieces of plain mixed veggies
Would you want to eat there again? Probably not.
The same goes for sex. You have to want to eat there.
Why Phase 2 Feels Different
My clients consistently tell me that once we fix the nervous system piece, they're actually excited to explore Phase 2.
It doesn't feel overwhelming anymore because they have a clear plan, and that feels exciting and empowering.
Here’s the Fun Part
Through personalized intimacy coaching, we dive into
Your unique pleasure pathways
How to stimulate these quicker and easier
How to uplevel pleasure for YOU
The Pleasure Gap Problem
There’s a HUGE pleasure discrepancy between men and women.
Why? Female sexual arousal isn’t well understood.
The result:
You don’t know what you want or how to explore this
Your partner doesn’t know what you like (especially if you’ve been faking it)
You end up going through the motions and the problem gets worse over time
I’m determined to help you tip the scales and enter Pleasure Paradise.
Erinn Hoel, Intimacy Coach & Women’s Pleasure Sexpert
What You’ll Get in Phase 2
Discover Your Desire Type:
Finally understand why the random butt-smack while you're doing dishes makes you want to scream, and what actually gets you in the mood instead
Build Your Desire Blueprint:
Stop feeling self-conscious and undesirable.
Start feeling like the confident, sexy woman I know is in there.
You'll learn how to break up with body shame and feel desirable again (yes, even in your everyday clothes).
Map Your Unique Pleasure Pathways:
No more lying there wondering "Am I taking too long?" or “Am I doing this right?” or “Why isn’t this fun for me?”
You'll finally know exactly what works for YOUR body and how to communicate it without awkwardness or hurt feelings.
Eliminate the Negative Self-Talk:
Transform that vicious inner critic from "What's wrong with me?" to "I GOT this!"
This proven brain rewiring strategy makes everything else stick.
Because you'll finally believe you deserve pleasure and can do this. Because you CAN.
The Bottom Line
This phase is where you stop feeling broken and start feeling powerful.
Where sex stops being something you dread and starts being something you're actually excited about again.
"Before sex was just something I did for him, but now it's something I actually want too. I thought I just wasn't a sexual person, but I just didn't know what worked for me.
The pleasure piece was everything I didn't know I was missing. Because I went from rushing through it and getting stuck in my head about how I look or how long it took me to get in the mood to 'damn, I actually really enjoyed that.'
The confidence that comes from knowing how your body works is insane. Now I can get in the mood so much easier and I feel like I unlocked this whole part of myself that I never even knew was there."
– Sarah K., married 11 years
Phase 3 – The Revitalize Phase
Remember how I said this isn’t just a “you problem” to fix?
This is where we get to bring the magic into your relationship.
Being a relationship and intimacy coach, I know most partners want to help but don’t know how, so they step back. This unintentionally makes things worse because you feel alone, and they feel useless.
Here’s where it gets exciting:
This phase is packed with strategies we fully customize for YOUR relationship. You get to co-create something sexy, fun, and exciting for BOTH of you.
Why this phase is absolutely transformational:
Implementing new habits is tough, especially when sex has become that one thing in your relationship.
You need support and accountability when you’re experimenting to find what works. Without this, you try something new, it doesn’t go according to plan, you both get frustrated, and fall back into old patterns.
Here’s what I see happen:
Partners are initially skeptical because they think they shouldn't need professional help with this.
But they become the biggest advocates once they know that they can do and see transformation happening.
Bottom line: Your libido isn't broken, but the way you two have been trying to fix it is.
As a leading intimacy coach, I can tell you with absolute certainty: There's a better way, and it actually works.
What You’ll Get in Phase 3
Reignite Your Connection:
Stop being roommates who pass each other in the hallway.
Bring back the relationship that has inside jokes, flirting during date nights, and actually looking forward to time together.
You'll master the strategies that bring back the spark and get you working as a team instead of fighting this battle alone.
Master The Art of Sex Talk:
Finally have conversations about your sex life without someone storming off, getting offended, or sleeping on the couch.
Learn exactly how to tell him what you want, how you want to be touched, and how to initiate without feeling awkward.
Because the research is clear: Couples who have the best sex TALK about sex, and my Sex Talk Strategies will change the game for both of you.
Get on the Same Team:
Break out of your sexual stalemate and discover what you BOTH actually want.
Stop fighting about everything except what you’re really fighting about.
Remember why you fell for each other and start having fun together again instead of nitpicking who took the trash out last.
Build an Unshakable Foundation:
Channel those early relationship vibes when things felt exciting and easier.
Grow deeper roots so you can weather any storm.
Build the kind of confidence that makes you think "we can handle anything life throws at us."
"The desire is actually there now, and I can't even believe I'm saying that. Like, I WANT it again, which is huge because I honestly thought that part of me was just… gone.
We went from being roommates to actually wanting to hug and kiss each other and it feels amazing how much we can connect when my walls aren't up anymore.
My husband couldn't believe the change either. We went from not even being able to talk about sex because it’d always end in a fight or a “ok, now what…” to actually handling it together and being on the same page. We're actually a team about this stuff instead of me feeling like it’s all on me to fix and him not knowing how to help."
– Maria S., married 7 years
The Transformation: From Low Libido and Guilt to a Thriving, Exciting Love Life
Imagine this:
You wake up actually feeling rested instead of exhausted before your day even starts.
Your spouse touches your back while you're in the kitchen and instead of tensing up, you’re comforted by it and lean into it. You even turn around for a kiss.
You catch him looking at you across the room and feel butterflies instead of obligation.
You get excited dressing up for date night and look forward to it, because it’s not something you dread because of what might come next.
You can say "not tonight" without guilt because you both know it's not rejection, it's just not tonight.
And you actually want to say yes so when you DO want to have sex? Holy shit, it's actually good. You're present, you're enjoying it, and you remember why you love this person so much.
This isn't a fantasy. This is what happens when you fix the real problem instead of throwing more sex toys at it:
Erinn Hoel, Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach (& Leo, Best Boy)
Reclaim the Woman You Used to Be:
Stop feeling like a broken version of yourself.
Start feeling confident, energized, and genuinely excited about your life again.
Wake up thinking "I can't wait to see what today brings" instead of "How am I going to get through this?"
Transform Into the Couple Everyone Envies: Become that couple again.
The one holding hands at dinner parties, laughing until you cry, and texting flirty messages during the workday.
Stop avoiding the tough stuff and start being teammates who have each other's backs no matter what.
Experience Mind-Blowing Intimacy (Yes, Really):
Finally understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to great sex.
Go from "Let's get this over with" to "Omg, can we do that again?"
Discover pleasure you didn't even know your body was capable of experiencing.
This is exactly what we create together in my Desire to Fire Method.
Ready to stop feeling broken and start feeling alive again?
FAQs: Working With An Intimacy Coach
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Look, traditional therapy is great for talking through your feelings.
But when you're lying there during sex mentally making your grocery list or counting down until it’s over, you need someone who understands the biology of arousal and has the specific tools to fix it.
I'm not just going to sit there and nod while you tell me about your childhood. I'm going to teach you exactly how to get your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode and back into "hell yes" mode so you can start enjoying sex again.
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An intimacy coach cuts through the bullshit and gets straight to what's actually blocking your desire, whether that's your overactivated nervous system, not knowing what the hell you actually like in bed, or being stuck in patterns that kill connection.
I give you the exact tools and strategies to fix what's not working, figure out what you actually want, and how to communicate about sex without it turning into a disaster.
Think less therapy couch, more "here's how to get your sex drive back and enjoy your relationship again.”
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First, make sure they actually understand female sexuality. Not just the textbook version, but the real, complicated reality of what it's like to be a woman who doesn't want sex anymore.
You want someone who's been there themselves or has worked with lots of women facing this exact struggle.
Look for someone who addresses the nervous system and understands low desire is a biological response, not a relationship problem.
If they're suggesting more toys and date nights as solutions, run.
And honestly? You want someone you can actually talk to without dying of embarrassment.
If you can't imagine telling them about your real struggles, they're not the right fit.
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Plot twist: you don't need to find someone "near you" because the best intimacy coaching happens online anyway.
Think about it: Would you rather drive across town to sit in some office talking about your sex life, or work with the best intimacy coach for your specific situation from the comfort of your own home?
I work with women all across the US through my online program, and honestly, most of my clients tell me they prefer it this way.
No awkward waiting rooms, no rushing through traffic after work, and you can have our calls on your couch with your dog.
What you should actually be looking for is an intimacy coach who specializes in exactly what you're dealing with, not just whoever happens to be in your zip code.
You want someone who understands that low desire is a nervous system issue, has helped a bunch of women with this exact problem, and has a proven method that gets results.
Geography is irrelevant when you're looking for someone to transform your love life.
Expertise and the right approach? That's everything.
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Great question! A sex therapist has clinical training and can diagnose and treat sexual dysfunction from a medical/psychological perspective.
An intimacy coach focuses more on practical strategies, education, and helping you implement changes in your real life.
I'm actually both, which means you get the clinical expertise plus the hands-on, practical approach.
Think of it like having a doctor who also gives you the exact step-by-step plan to get better, not just a diagnosis.
The coaching side is where we roll up our sleeves and figure out how to actually make your sex life amazing again.
Less sitting and talking about feelings, more "here's exactly what to DO tonight to start feeling like yourself again."
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Intimacy training is like going to the gym, but for your relationship and sex life.
Just like you wouldn't run a marathon with no training first, you can't expect to have amazing intimacy without learning the actual skills.
We're talking about real technique: how to get out of your head during sex, how to ask for what you want, how to touch and be touched in ways that feel good, how to have conversations that don't end in someone sleeping on the couch, plus a whole lot more.
Nobody taught you this stuff in health class, but that doesn't mean you're supposed to just magically know it.
That's where I come in.
Why Professional Intimacy Coaching Works: Insights from a Philadelphia Intimacy Coach
Erinn Hoel, Professional Intimacy Coach
We Fix the ACTUAL Problem (Not Just the Symptoms)
While everyone else tells you to "just have a glass of win" or try another supplement, we address what's really happening:
Your nervous system is stuck in survival mode and it’s literally blocking your arousal.
No more wasting money on:
Useless "libido-enhancing" pills
Toys that collect dust in your drawer
Forced date nights that just add more pressure
We fix the root cause so the results actually stick.
You Get the Support You Desperately Need
Stop trying to figure this out alone at 2am while your spouse sleeps next to you.
Stop wondering if you're the only woman on earth who feels this way.
Stop wondering how you’re going to live the rest of your life making excuses and pretending to be interested for the sake of your relationship.
In DTF, you have multiple ways to get guidance, accountability, and always know what your next steps are so you can actually DO something about this once and for all.
Because knowledge alone keeps you stuck. Action sets you free.
Expert Guidance From Someone Who's Been There
I'm not some therapist who nods sympathetically while you talk in circles for months.
I'm a sex therapist and intimacy coach who's helped countless women escape this nightmare AND lived through it myself.
I know exactly what it feels like to:
Make excuse after excuse to get out of sex and then feel like a terrible partner
Tense up at every touch (even affection) and see the hurt on his face because he’s just trying to connect
Wonder how your relationship will survive this or how you’ll “just deal with this” since it’s getting worse not better
That's why I can guide you through shortcuts and help you avoid dead ends.
Exclusive Access to Proven Strategies
Get access to techniques I've developed over a decade of working with women just like you.
These are strategies you literally can’t find anywhere else.
This isn't info you can Google at 2am, it's exclusive to my clients who are serious about transformation.
I work with women who are done making excuses and ready to make changes.
If you're still hoping this will magically fix itself, I'm not your person.
But if you're ready to stop feeling broken and start feeling powerful?
Then this is for you.
"I was skeptical because I’d tried it all: toys, candles, books, podcasts, supplements, even couples therapy. I honestly didn’t even want to try this at first either because every time I tried something and it didn’t work, I’d feel even more broken. But this was completely different.
Instead of just giving me more info, Erinn helped me understand why I was feeling this way and gave me actual steps to change it. I stopped going in circles and finally started moving forward.
I even look forward to our calls, which is wild because I used to dread working on this, but she makes it fun and I’m finally seeing progress and I’m so glad I’m working with her because she’s making this so much easier for me."
– Rachel K., struggled for 5 years
It's Time to See An Intimacy Coach
Erinn Hoel, Professional Intimacy Coach
As your intimacy coach, I want you to know you don't have to go about this alone.
I’d argue that’s the worst thing you can do, because that’s where you get stuck, overwhelmed, and stall out.
I been there, done that.
But there are easier ways.
The Desire to Fire Method is a proven intimacy coaching approach to overcome low libido for good.
Finally increase desire and rediscover:
How to trust yourself again
Genuine arousal and pleasure
Confidence in yourself and your relationship
Unshakeable connection that can weather any storm
What My Clients Tell Me
The Desire to Fire Method doesn’t just give them their sex drive back, it gives them their lives back.
They feel like themselves again.
Their relationships are stronger than ever.
They finally understand they were never the problem.
Here’s What I’ve Noticed
The women who transform their love lives fastest don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ time.
They stop waiting for things to magically get better.
They take action even when it’s scary.
Ready to join them?