Philadelphia Intimacy Coach for Women:
Overcome Low Libido & Reignite Your Love Life
Direct, Results-Driven Sex Coaching for Women
Sex kinda feels like a chore right now, doesn’t it?
You feel guilty even admitting that. Because you love him. You’re attracted to him. And sometimes the sex is even good. But the second it’s over, you’re relieved and have a hard time wanting to do it again.
But it’s not just the sex now. You’re pulling away from all touch, even if it’s not sexual, because it feels loaded. You don’t want to accidentally lead him on and then have to say no again. So you tense up whenever he touches you. But you really do love him so wtf.
After your most recent talk (or fight) about how something needs to change, because you love each other and want this to work, you Googled "how to increase desire” because you want to WANT sex again, but nothing’s helped so far.
But you do know the longer this goes on, the more resentful you’re feeling, the more rejected he’s feeling, and the more you’re worried neither of you are going to be happy or fulfilled in the long run, and that terrifies you.
“Sex feels like a chore…”
“I want to WANT to have sex again…”
“Is there something wrong with me…
Whew, it’s… a lot. Which is why I’m glad you’re here!
I'm a sex coach in Philadelphia and I’ve been exactly where you are: going through the motions, tensing up when he tries to cuddle, making excuses because saying no and seeing him feel unloved was crushing me.
You're not broken. But you ARE stuck.
And that spiral of "what happens if we can’t figure this out?" kicks in and you start wondering if YOU'RE the problem.
You’re not.
Here's what I know after escaping this nightmare myself, and helping hundreds of women do the same: Your sex drive isn't gone. It’s not even “low” (wild, I know). But it IS buried, and it’s time to dig that baby out.
As a Leading Sex Coach, Here's What Everyone Gets Wrong About Low Libido
I know you've tried it all hoping you’ll find the answer:
The toys and lingerie that sit unused in your drawer
The date nights that cause more pressure
Just going through the motions and hoping this will resolve itself
The therapy that helped your relationship, but didn’t touch your sex life
The books, supplements, hormone testing, endless conversations (fights)…
I tried all that shit too, none of it worked. And this is a slippery slope:
“I was doing everything I was supposed to: getting a sitter and doing weekly date nights, we were in couple’s therapy, I bought like four new toys. But every time we tried something and it didn’t work, I felt more broken and like nothing could help me.” - Maria
Why Your Good Ideas Haven’t Worked to Increase Desire
Fun fact: Your brain is your largest sex organ
Not so fun fact: When you’re not in the mood and try to force it anyway, your brain learns sex = stressful, so it kicks on your fight/flight instead of your arousal when you try to have sex.
So the problem isn’t your sex drive. That’s why none of your ideas have worked: They’ve been sex-specific strategies. Your sex drive is actually working perfectly well, but the problem is that it’s been hijacked.
You’ve been trying to push the gas to get the car moving. What you need to do is take the pressure off the brakes.
Because here’s what happens if you don’t:
You’re never really in the mood, and it feels like a lot of work to even get interested
So you feel resentful when your spouse initiates because you have to be the bad guy and say no
But then he stops initiating (not because he doesn’t care, but he’s feeling rejected)
That feels threatening to the relationship, so you try to initiate, but only because you feel like you should, not because you want to
But you end up going through the motions and feeling even more disconnected
You spiral thinking, “What’s wrong with me?”
This is how sex starts to feel like a chore.
And it’s exactly why I created my Desire to Fire Method.
Because when you work with an intimacy coach who specializes in women’s arousal, you can get out of this nasty spiral, get back into connection mode, and actually start wanting sex again.
"I’d been in therapy, we tried couple’s therapy, and it helped, but nothing really changed in the bedroom. We were tired of talking about it over and over again, we just wanted to know what to do so I’m so glad we found you. You made this so much easier because you helped me realize nothing’s wrong with me." - Kim
Hi! I’m Erinn!
Erinn Hoel, Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach
What I wish I knew sooner: I wasn’t the problem.
The problem was that nobody ever taught me how my sex drive actually works, how to turn it on/off, or how to talk about it with my partner.
Once I learned that, everything changed.
After a decade as a sex therapist, I’ve learned what works to actually increase arousal, help you enjoy sex more, and feel like you’re back on the same team in your relationship.
I used all those skills, tools, and strategies to create my Desire to Fire Method, a 3-Phase sex coaching program built specifically for women who are tired of talking and finally want to DO something about their sex life.
It’s a lot of fun but I’ll warn you upfront: Almost every woman I work with says “Wow, this goes so deep.”
“You think you know what you’re getting in the program but there was so much amazing inner work I didn’t even know I needed.” - Sarah
That’s because I don’t do bandaids. They made the problem worse for me and I’m not going to do that to you.
Which means Phase 1 isn’t even about sex.
Online Intimacy Coaching That Works: The Desire to Fire Method
Phase 1 – The Release Phase
We gotta let off those brakes off, baby. What most intimacy experts miss is that arousal is a two-step process:
You have to remove blocks to arousal FIRST
Then you can actually get turned on
Most people skip step 1 and focus on the sex-related ideas (toys, date nights, supplements), but remember, these don’t work because the issue isn’t your arousal.
But these blocks show up in sneaky ways:
Tensing up whenever he touches you, even in the middle of the kitchen
Staying busy at bedtime to avoid going to bed together
Getting stuck in your head and struggling to stay present
Feeling exhausted no matter how much sleep you get
Constant headaches or muscle tension
If you’re like me, your ‘blocks’ have been stuck on for so long you don’t even know how to get around them.
That’s why it feels like you’re spinning your wheels.
The solution here isn’t doing more, it’s doing different.
Erinn Hoel and Leo,
Philadelphia Intimacy Coach
What You’ll Get in Phase 1
Get affection back without it feeling loaded:
“I actually want to cuddle again but didn't realize what a toll it took on me pulling back. Over the past few days doing the touch sessions I didn't feel the weight of this and could actually feel comfortable being close to him. Haven't felt that in who knows how long because I felt the stress of this constantly." - Mariah
"The raisin training was my favorite. Definitely don't pull away from affection now, I initiate it now." - Katie
“I finally want to kiss and hug again. I used to avoid it because I was afraid he’d want more but it’s been so nice to actually be affectionate without all the pressure.” Brittany
Stop feeling so stressed and overwhelmed:
“The dream checklist has been huge for my daily routine. I felt so selfish before but didn’t realize the joy and satisfaction that can come in caring for myself. I deserve that and feel like a better wife and mom because of that.” - Carrie
"My body feels safer when there's no expectation and I loved the Sensation Station module. I didn't even feel anxiety about sex recently. I can finally get out of my head." - Karlie
“The stress relievers have made me a better parent, I’m using them to teach co-regulation to my toddler.” - Janie
Start feeling more connected again:
“I loved module 3, it finally gave us something to work on together. And it was so nice to not have to teach my husband everything, you did that for me. He’s pumped to finally be involved too.” - Debbie
“We’re working through pleasure mapping and loving it. We just needed to know where to start but I’m feeling so much more like myself already. I haven’t felt like that in a long time.” - Sam
“I’ve wanted to help this whole time but I didn’t know what to do and felt like I was making things worse. I love that I could be involved from the start and actually feel like this is helping.” - Carrie’s husband
Phase 1 isn't just about getting your sex drive back, it's about getting YOU back.
Phase 2 – The Reawaken Phase
Once the brakes are off, we get to the fun part.
Because here’s another reason sex has felt like a chore: It hasn’t been that good.
Who loves chores? Nobody.
So if sex hasn’t been enjoyable, you’re not going to be super jazzed to do it.
The Truth About ‘Low Desire’
Low desire isn’t actually a sex problem. You know that now:
Problem #1: Nervous system issue (Phase 1 fixes this).
Problem #2: Pleasure problem (Phase 2 fixes this).
Think about it this way:
You go out to dinner. The waiter brings your spouse an amazing steak.
He brings you a bowl of cold, bland mixed veggies.
Would you be super thrilled to eat there again? Probably not.
The same goes for sex. You have to want to eat there.
Why Phase 2 Actually Gets You Results Now
My clients consistently tell me starting with the blocks in Phase 1 leads to a whole new energy in Phase 2 because they come in already seeing progress and feeling shifts, and want more.
Don’t get me wrong, they’re still nervous and have some shame that they don’t know what to do next. But they’re eager to figure this out: To give themselves permission to explore, to ask questions, to want more.
It’s ok to want more than cold veggies. You deserve the steak!
Erinn Hoel, Intimacy Coach & Women’s Pleasure Sexpert
What You’ll Get in Phase 2
Discover your desire type and what to do with that:
"The quiz helped me find out I have responsive desire. That made so much sense because all of the characteristics are exactly like what I struggle with. And then having next steps of how to turn that on was so helpful." - Aimee
"Learning about our different desires was eye-opening. We always knew we had different levels of interest but this shows why, and what to do with that. It makes so much sense and is so much easier for us to navigate now." - Charlotte
“Figuring out what type of sex drive I have was the missing piece. I really thought there was something wrong with me but my results were so spot on I cried. It was the first time I actually felt like I could do this.” - Sarah
Ignite your arousal and explore what you like:
"I’m loving the turn-on training. I’m feeling more playful, trending in a positive direction, it feels more fun for both of us and we’re just enjoying exploring together." - Cam
“I’ve repressed this whole part of myself and it feels so good to connect to it. What a world we’d live in if women were able to feel like this more often and have as good of sex as men. We’d be unstoppable.” -Sam
“Used to not like oral sex, didn't feel much and didn't lead to orgasm, but the priming and sensory skills ahead of time helped me feel it more. Now it's way better. I had 2 orgasms last time we had sex and can't remember the last time I even had one!" - Christina
Increase confidence and trust yourself:
“I feel so authentic now. I feel like myself, everything clicked and the puzzle pieces are all together now. This is the first time I feel confident. Getting off the call and having a plan, a feasible thing I can do and apply, I feel good.” - Charlie
"The mirror exercise was my favorite. I started noticing good things and feel good about myself, I’m not perfect and that's okay, but I feel acceptance, I’m feeling like myself again. I lost so much of that postpartum." - Kim
“She seems so much more self-assured. I don’t know if she even notices it like I do but there’s been a huge shift.” - Cam’s husband
Phase 3 – The Revitalize Phase
Most partners really do want to help.
But when they feel like they’re making it worse, or they’re feeling hurt and rejected by this ongoing pattern, they tend to step back.
They’re usually trying to give you space and be helpful.
But it can unintentionally make it feel like it’s all on you. This dynamic sucks for you both so Phase 3 is where we get to bring the sexy magic into your relationship.
This phase is exciting. It’s where you get back on the same team, and things finally start feeling fun for both of you.
Why this phase is absolutely essential:
Without these skills, here’s what happens:
You try a new toy or schedule a date night. It feels a little awkward or adds pressure. It doesn’t actually make you want sex. You feel guilty, he’s disappointed, and you both end up feeling even more disconnected.
So you end up having another one of those endless conversations where you know something needs to change, but aren’t sure what, so you just try planning another date night.
But the date comes, you still don’t want sex, you both feel lost, and the cycle continues.
Phase 3 gets you out of that trap for good.
No more of those ongoing talks that stall out, no more fights about sex, no more tense, hurt silences where neither of you knows what to say.
I can tell you with absolute certainty: There's a much better way, and it actually works.
What You’ll Get in Phase 3
Master the art of sex talk:
"This opened a door to having great conversations. You gave me a tool to literally involve him so I didn't have to teach him everything and he got it. It was fun for him, he was excited about the buffet, it was easy for him to come into space. It felt like a huge weight lifted, we love seeing the progress." - Brittany
"We never talked about it before I started this, not like this. We just talked around it. We just had our own perception on what we wanted so someone was always disappointed or disappointing each other. We’re way more open and checking in often now." - Lara
"We talk about it so easily now. It’s been nice to be able to share my frustrations too and she actually wanted to hear them and we can strategize now.” - Christina’s husband
Have better sex:
"We finally know what works for each of us, it’s so much easier now. I look forward to our lunch sex dates and I still can’t even believe we’re doing them!" - Kim
"We’re spending more time on me, rushing less, and the lazy sex training was so great for us. Slowing down has been the most helpful for me. I needed to get out of mom mode and think about myself for awhile. And once the pressure was off intercourse, I started enjoying it way more.” - Aimee
“The pleasure mapping was my favorite. I really needed that and I’m excited she put in the effort with me, it meant a lot.” - Carrie’s husband
Make it sustainable for the long run:
“This feels so lasting because it’s not a quick fix, it feels like a whole mindset shift for both of us on how to have better sex, and what does having sex mean to us, and what do we need to have good sex. We're going to carry this forward for the rest of our lives, it’s not temporary, it feels lasting." - Sarah
"This is soaking into every other part of our life and has had such a positive impact. We weren't confronting a lot before and realized it's not just sex. It's about communication, trust, being able to rely on each other, it's everything." - Mariah
"I’m more playful with my husband and kids, I have more energy for this, and for myself. I’m not going through motions anymore because I’m having more fun, I’m more engaged." - Charlotte
“I feel like we’re on the same page. I can tell she’s really making an effort, I am too because I don’t want her to feel alone. We’re having better sex and it doesn’t feel so tense and I can tell she’s enjoying herself more, and I love that." - Katie’s husband
From the Other Side of the Bed: What Partners Are Saying
"I was worried she wasn’t attracted to me anymore, I couldn’t even touch her. I stopped trying because I felt so rejected. I had no idea how this was impacting her though. The dog training really helped things click and now we cuddle all the time again.” - Kim’s husband
"I felt like everything I did was wrong. If I initiated, it was too much pressure. If I backed off, she thought I didn't care. The Bedroom Chronicles finally gave me the words to talk about this without it turning into a fight. It helped us see we actually have the same frequency dream." - Sarah’s husband
"I missed my wife. Not just the sex, but she’d barely hug me and it sucked. It felt like she was just tolerating me. I almost cried when we did our first touch session because I didn’t realize how much I’d been craving that. Luckily it doesn’t feel like that anymore." - Sam’s husband
"I thought she just didn't love me anymore. I know there’s more to it than just sex, but that's where my head went. When she told me about this I was skeptical because nothing else had worked but felt desperate because I didn't want to keep living like that. I'm so glad she did it. I’m glad we did it." - Karlie’s husband
“I was hesitant at first and thought we should be able to fix this on our own. But her actually wanting me again is worth it. The buffet was great for us and we’re having more sex and that’s great, but I also can tell she’s more into it and I love that.” - Mariah’s husband
“I had no idea there were different types of sex drive and that was helpful for me. Before, when she said no, I felt so shut out, but I don’t take it personally anymore because I know what’s going on. I also know how to turn her on better so we’re way more connected now, which makes it easier too.” - Kam’s husband
The Transformation with Intimacy Coaching: From Avoiding Touch to Wanting Sex Again
Imagine this:
You’re both home after a long day and to greet you, he pulls you into a giant hug and gives you a big, long kiss. And you love it. You giggle while he squeezes you tight and you stare into each other’s eyes for a second while you say “missed you today.”
As you’re making dinner together, he reaches behind you to grab a spoon and nuzzles into your neck with his hand on your lower back as he does. You close your eyes and sigh because feeling his breath and warmth against you feels comforting and loving.
You get ready for bed together, teasing each other about who’s toothbrush has the oldest, craziest bristles. You change into your PJs in front of him and see him give you the eyes, which makes you feel sexy and desirable.
Erinn Hoel, Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach (& Leo, Best Boy)
You crawl into bed together and he rolls over to spoon and you scoot back until you're like two peas in a pod.
He doesn’t try to have sex now because he knows it’s not a good time, and you don’t feel pressured to try to get in the mood either. It’s warm, inviting, and you drift off to sleep feeling him do the same right behind you because it feels so good.
The next morning you wake up and have a slow morning that’s unhurried, unpressured, and you both roll around in the sheets exploring and playing. Because you’re bringing the energy of last night into the next day and feel relaxed, connected, and secure.
This isn't a fantasy. And having a better sex life isn’t just about the sex.
It’s about the ripple effects into every area of your life: your relationship, sharing responsibility, affection, sense of humor, confidence, ability to be present, everything
How Sex Coaching Works for Women When Sex Therapy Hasn’t
Traditional therapy = talking through and processing your feelings
Sex coaching = action-oriented so you start seeing results now
As a sex therapist, I kept seeing my clients fall into the same trap: They wanted to fix their sex life but kept talking about it instead of doing something about it. Because talking feels like progress. But nothing changes if nothing changes.
I break the action down into not-so-scary, easy-to-apply pieces so you can finally DO something about this.
“I was scared at the beginning and wanted to jump ship but I’m so glad I didn’t. I never had to say or do something I wasn’t ready for but this was such a safe space and you’ve pushed me to grow. I never would’ve been able to do this on my own but I actually want sex again.” - Sam
When you're faking your way through sex to reset the clock so you don’t have to do it again for awhile, you need someone with the specific tools to reignite desire, not just talk about it.
Knowledge alone keeps you stuck. Action sets you free.
Is Desire to Fire Right for You?
This is for you if:
You’ve been struggling with low desire for 6+ months
You like a structured plan and want a roadmap
You’re tired of bandaid solutions and want long-term change
You’re willing to put time and effort into the program because your relationship is important to you
You’re in a good relationship and your partner wants to work on this with you
This isn’t for you if:
You’re happy with the state of your sex life
You’re looking for a quick fix
You’re not willing to put in effort or makes changes
Your partner isn’t willing to work on this with you
You’re experiencing any of the following in your relationship: high conflict, infidelity, substance use, abuse (therapy would be the right next step for you)
Here’s What You Get
Lifetime access to the entire Desire to Fire Method content hub: So you always have the tools you need and can revisit them anytime, even after we’re done working together
16 weeks of structured, step-by-step coaching directly with me so you never feel alone or lost about next steps. This includes:
Live weekly accountability calls: Same time every week with me where we troubleshoot, celebrate wins, build on skills, and adjust your plan in real time
Individual 1:1 calls with me: So we can fully customize your plan, assess your progress, and walk through exactly how to implement strategies on your own and with your partner
Daily messaging access: Direct 1:1 access so nothing derails you between calls and you always have my ongoing support
A private community of women: So you know you’re not alone and can get even more support from me throughout the week
Investment: 4 monthly payments of $749 or a one-time payment of $2,499 (saves you $500)
Ready to stop feeling broken and start feeling powerful?
Erinn Hoel, Online Intimacy Coach
As your sex coach, I want you to know you don't have to go about this alone.
I’d argue that’s the worst thing you can do, because that’s where you get stuck, overwhelmed, and stall out.
But there’s an easier way.
The Desire to Fire Method is a proven intimacy coaching approach with a 95% success rate because I’ve done my research and training hours, but I’ve also lived through this. That’s why I’m really good at helping you find the shortcuts and avoid the dead ends.
But this program doesn’t just give you your sex drive back, it gives you your life back.
Here’s What Clients of Philadelphia Intimacy Coach Erinn Hoel Are Saying:
“It works. And you’re worth it to put in this time and effort to experience a better intimate life, it’s just so worth it.” - Sarah
“It was life-changing for me. I know who I am now and got so much more out of this than I thought I would.” - Sam
“Trust the process. Some of it feels light and easy but every week there’s really important shifts happening. You’ll build such a strong foundation.” - Karlie
“It’s so easy to talk to Erinn. She gets it and can actually help. Finally!” - Katie
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, the sessions are so helpful, just do it.” - Brittany
“This has changed our relationship permanently so tell your husband that if he has doubts. Mine did too but wow.” - Mariah
“I wish I’d done it sooner” - Every woman listed on this page
Here’s What I’ve Noticed
The women who transform their sex lives fastest don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ time.
They stop waiting for things to magically get better.
They take action even when it’s scary.
Ready to join them?
FAQs: Working With A Sex Coach
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Look, traditional therapy is great for talking through your feelings.
But when you're lying there during sex mentally making your grocery list or counting down until it’s over, you need someone who understands the biology of arousal and has the specific tools to fix it.
I'm not just going to sit there and nod while you tell me about your childhood. I'm going to teach you exactly how to get your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode and back into "hell yes" mode so you can start enjoying sex again.
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An intimacy coach cuts through the bullshit and gets straight to what's actually blocking your desire, whether that's your overactivated nervous system, not knowing what the hell you actually like in bed, or being stuck in patterns that kill connection.
I give you the exact tools and strategies to fix what's not working, figure out what you actually want, and how to communicate about sex without it turning into a disaster.
Think less therapy couch, more "here's how to get your sex drive back and enjoy your relationship again.”
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First, make sure they actually understand female sexuality. Not just the textbook version, but the real, complicated reality of what it's like to be a woman who doesn't want sex anymore.
You want someone who's been there themselves or has worked with lots of women facing this exact struggle.
Look for someone who addresses the nervous system and understands low desire is a biological response, not a relationship problem.
If they're suggesting more toys and date nights as solutions, run.
And honestly? You want someone you can actually talk to without dying of embarrassment.
If you can't imagine telling them about your real struggles, they're not the right fit.
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Plot twist: you don't need to find someone "near you" because the best intimacy coaching happens online anyway.
Think about it: Would you rather drive across town to sit in some office talking about your sex life, or work with the best intimacy coach for your specific situation from the comfort of your own home?
I work with women all across the US through my online program, and honestly, most of my clients tell me they prefer it this way.
No awkward waiting rooms, no rushing through traffic after work, and you can have our calls on your couch with your dog.
What you should actually be looking for is an intimacy coach who specializes in exactly what you're dealing with, not just whoever happens to be in your zip code.
You want someone who understands that low desire is a nervous system issue, has helped a bunch of women with this exact problem, and has a proven method that gets results.
Geography is irrelevant when you're looking for someone to transform your love life.
Expertise and the right approach? That's everything.
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Great question! A sex therapist has clinical training and can diagnose and treat sexual dysfunction from a medical/psychological perspective.
An intimacy coach focuses more on practical strategies, education, and helping you implement changes in your real life.
I'm actually both, which means you get the clinical expertise plus the hands-on, practical approach.
Think of it like having a doctor who also gives you the exact step-by-step plan to get better, not just a diagnosis.
The coaching side is where we roll up our sleeves and figure out how to actually make your sex life amazing again.
Less sitting and talking about feelings, more "here's exactly what to DO tonight to start feeling like yourself again."
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Intimacy training is like going to the gym, but for your relationship and sex life.
Just like you wouldn't run a marathon with no training first, you can't expect to have amazing intimacy without learning the actual skills.
We're talking about real technique: how to get out of your head during sex, how to ask for what you want, how to touch and be touched in ways that feel good, how to have conversations that don't end in someone sleeping on the couch, plus a whole lot more.
Nobody taught you this stuff in health class, but that doesn't mean you're supposed to just magically know it.
That's where I come in.
