Low Sex Drive? Maybe Not: Bust Myths with Your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Coach, and I’m here to tell you that low sex drive (i.e., low libido or low desire) is a natural and common aspect of sexuality that can affect anyone at any stage of life.
7 Myths About Low Sex Drive: Your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
Low sex drive? Maybe not…
Unfortunately, misconceptions and stigmas surrounding intimacy are everywhere, leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary stress for those experiencing it. Check out these busted myths as I explore some of the most common misconceptions about low sex drive, so you can have a more informed and empathetic understanding of the natural ebbs and flows in your libido.
In short: changes in sex drive are natural and common, so don’t listen to these myths, because they’ll stress you out and make low sex drive worse.
7 Myths About Low Sex Drive and What You Can Do Instead
Myth: Low Sex Drive = Relationship Problems
One of the most common and significant misconceptions about low libido is that it always indicates relationship issues or a lack of attraction to your partner. This can make it really difficult to talk to your partner about low libido. Experiencing a drop in sex drive can be really isolating and scary and not being comfortable or able to talk to your partner about it for fear of “what it means” about your relationship can make things even more stressful. And the bad news? This press and pressure decrease sex drive even more.
In reality, low sex drive can be influenced by a wide range of factors, including biological, psychological, and hormonal factors. It’s important to recognize that relationships can be strong and loving even if one partner experiences a lower sex drive. And in reality, MOST couples have different desire levels and sex drives so if this is occurring in your relationship, congrats. You’re in the majority.
Takeaway: Sex can be a great part of relationships and a fun way to connect, but sex isn’t the gold standard for relationship quality. So don’t make that your measure.
Myth: Low Sex Drive is an Indicator of Sexual Dysfunction
Many women equate low libido with sexual dysfunction, assuming that it reflects an inability to experience pleasure or arousal. I.e., when sex drive drops, some are quick to worry there’s something wrong with them physically. While sexual dysfunction does exist, and it’s a good idea to chat with your doctor about any sudden, extreme changes in any part of your health, don’t be so quick to diagnose yourself. Sex drive is influenced by a TON of factors, like sleep quality, diet, physical activity, stress, an increase in depression or anxiety symptoms, plus a thousand other things. Sex drive is a physical process, so there are going to be days when this kicks on easier, and days when you can’t find it for the life of you.
Takeaway: Don’t be so quick to diagnose yourself with sexual dysfunction because the stress of labeling yourself with a “problem” can decrease sex drive even further.
Myth: Low Libido is a Gender-Specific Issue
Stereotypes often associate low sex drive with women, implying that men are inherently more sexually driven. In reality, both men and women can experience fluctuations in libido, and there is no inherent gender difference in the frequency of low sex drive. Each person's sex drive is unique and is influenced by a combination of biological and psychological factors.
Takeaway: Ladies, listen up: Don’t fall into the low sex drive trap just because your sex drive doesn’t seem to kick on like your partner’s does. Click here to learn more about your desire type.
Myth: Low Sex Drive is a Sign of Aging
A common misconception is that as women age, our sex drives automatically decline. While hormonal changes and certain health conditions might influence libido as we age, it’s not a universal truth. Some studies have shown that women report MORE satisfaction in their sex lives as they age, possibly because they’re more comfortable in themselves, are better acquainted with what they like between the sheets, and feel more comfortable asserting this with partners. My take on that is, as we get older, we have less patience for faking it and having sex that sucks, leading us to advocate for better, more pleasurable sex.
Takeaway: If you’re worried your sex drive will decrease as you get older, the stress of this will make that your reality. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Think of your sex life as a fine wine that gets better with age.
Myth: Low Sex Drive Can’t be Changed or Improved
Some women believe that a low sex drive is a fixed characteristic that can’t be increased once it drops off. And man oh man can this be scary and lead to the overwhelming what ifs: what will happen in my relationship if…, what does this mean about me as a partner if…, what if I can’t get it back… In reality, the causes of low libido can often be addressed and managed effectively. For instance, managing stress, addressing any underlying medical conditions, boosting basic needs, or improving communication in relationships can positively impact sex drive.
Takeaway: Low sex drive isn’t a permanent sentence. It’s something that happens but you have more control than you may think.
Myth: Taking Medications is the Only Solution
While medications might be prescribed in some cases, they aren’t the only solution for low sex drive. In fact, they’re not always effective, especially when the root cause is psychological or relational. And if you turn to meds as a first line of defense you may have to deal with other side effects, which can have a cascade effect, leading you to be even more stressed and feel less connected to your body for something that may not even help. Addressing the underlying factors and seeking support from healthcare professionals or sex therapists can lead to more sustainable improvements.
Takeaway: Don’t turn to meds as your first solution. Not only may they not work, you may deal with other side effects from them.
Myth: High Sex Drive is Always a Good Thing
A common thing I hear as a Sex Therapist & Coach is “I want to WANT more sex” which tells me the person wishes they had a higher drive. However, a higher sex drive is not necessarily a sign of good physical, emotional, or sexual health. Everyone’s sex drive and desire are different so wanting what someone else has isn’t only unhelpful, it’s unrealistic. Because they’re not you. This can be a tough pill to swallow when you want to WANT more sex, but getting to know and accepting your own sex drive is crucial to increasing libido and having better sex.
Takeaway: Don’t covet what you don’t have. Comparisons are rarely helpful and can make matters worse by increasing stress.
Remember, open and honest communication is crucial when dealing with differences in sex drive within your relationship. Work together with your partner to find ways to navigate this aspect of your lives so you can maintain intimacy despite any differences in desire (which again, are SO common). Talk to your partner about what’s going on for you, what’s currently stressing you out, and let them know what you need from them to feel supported. Remember, sex can be a great part of relationships, but it’s not the only reason to be in one.
By challenging the misconceptions and sexpectations surrounding low sex drive, you can start having a more accepting and compassionate attitude toward your sex drive and body. It’s essential to recognize that libido is a complex and multifaceted aspect of our lives, influenced by a thousand different factors. Rather than jumping to conclusions or falling into stereotypes, try to slow those assumptions and racing thoughts down so you can instead get curious about and understand what’s happening in your body when low libido occurs. This helps you open up to doing things differently so you can actually increase sex drive, start having better sex, and start looking forward to this type of intimacy again.
Get Your Free Guide to Increase Low Sex Drive
If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
