Increase Desire: 6 Helpful Tips from a Philadelphia Sex Therapist
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia sex therapist, and I know managing sexual anxiety can be a daunting task, especially when you're trying to increase desire. But it’s an important step toward a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life.
Low desire can lead to sexual anxiety that can manifest in many different ways. These could include feeling obligated to have sex (or duty sex), sexpectations (how you think you should feel during sex, what you think you should feel during sex, etc.), and fear of intimacy leading to avoiding sex and intimate contact. In this blog post, we’ll explore some tips and strategies for managing sexual anxiety so you can increase desire.
6 Tips to Increase Desire: Your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
6 Tips to Increase Desire and Decrease Sexual Anxiety
Understand Sexual Anxiety is Common
First and foremost, it is important to know that sexual anxiety and low desire are common experiences. Desire ebbing and flowing is natural, though it can cause a lot of stressful thoughts and feelings. Many people experience some level of anxiety when it comes to sex, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Understanding that you’re not alone in your feelings can be a powerful step toward managing your anxiety.
Communicate With Your Partner
Communication is key when it comes to managing sexual anxiety. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about your concerns and fears. Let them know what triggers your anxiety and what helps you feel more comfortable. Having a supportive partner can make a big difference in managing sexual anxiety and help you not end up feeling like roommates. Not sure where to start? Start there. Be honest about any confusion, frustration, or fear that’s coming up. Wherever you’re at today is perfectly okay. Start there when talking with your partner.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
As a sex therapist, I’m a big fan of relaxation techniques that can help calm your nerves and reduce anxiety, both of which are essential for quality sex. Deep breathing exercises, yoga, and mindfulness can be effective tools for managing sexual anxiety. Take some time to find the relaxation technique that works best for you. The more the technique slooooows you down and helps you direct your focus intentionally, the better. Do what feels good.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Negative thoughts and beliefs can fuel sexual anxiety and are the opposite of fun, sexy time. Try to identify and challenge these thoughts as they come up. Ask yourself if your fears are based in reality or if they are unfounded. Remember that your thoughts are not facts and that you have the power to change them.
Focus on Pleasure, Not Performance
Performance anxiety can be a common source of sexual anxiety and make sex feel like a chore. Instead of focusing on what you think you should be experiencing, how you should look, or what you should be doing, try to focus on what feels good and pleasurable. Remember that sex is not a performance or a test, but an opportunity for connection and pleasure. The more pressure you put on yourself, the less enjoyable it will be. But the more present you are and connect to positive sensations, the more enjoyable it will be.
Consider Sex Therapy
If you are struggling with sexual anxiety, seeking professional help can be a valuable step toward managing your anxiety. A sex therapist can help you work through your fears and develop coping strategies. Sometimes having a sounding board and someone to help you work through things can make all the difference. You’re not alone and you don’t have to do this alone.
Managing sexual anxiety and increasing desire is a process. It may take time and effort to find what works best for you. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this journey. With the right tools and support, it is possible to overcome sexual anxiety and enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying sex life.
